The Unexpected Captain
by Skaz Wolfman
Summary: While infiltrating the Soul Society to help Ichigo rescue Rukia, Uryuu and Orihime run into Squad 12's terrifying Captain. The twist is, it's not Mayuri Kurotsuchi. (Parallel universe, alternate history, whatever you want to call it.)


A/N: This is an AU oneshot, taking place during the Soul Society Arc. Idea's been knocking around in my head for a long damn time, finally decided I had nothing to lose. I might expand upon this if it's well received (and if the Batmuse cooperates) so be sure to review and gimme some feedback, folks. Enjoy! La Vie Boheme!

"Hey, hold it there you two!" shouted a voice behind them.

' _Damn,'_ thought Uryuu Ishida, _'This probably isn't good.'_ He and his companion, Orihime Inoue, came to a stop and turned to see the man approaching them from behind. He had a bag in one hand and a slight stagger in his walk; Uryuu thought he could smell liquor on his breath even from this distance. Still, the alert look in the man's eyes told him that drunk or not, this was a serious situation.

"Just let me get a look at you. What are you doing in this area?" he asked as he got closer, "What squad are you in, anyways?"

"Well, we're…" Orihime began hesitantly, but Uryuu knew this situation was too delicate for any sign of uncertainty or indecision.

"We're with Squad–" he began to cut in assertively. But before he could finish, he was interrupted in turn.

" _They're Ryoka! Stand clear!_ " shouted an amplified voice from above. A mob of Shinigami appeared at either end of the street, swords drawn and baring menacing expressions.

"What the hell?!" shouted the drunken man, echoing Uryuu's thoughts.

" _Attention, Mr. Squad 11 Drunk,_ " said the voice from above them. Uryuu, Orihime, and the drunk all looked up and saw that there was a Shinigami of indeterminate gender shouting down at them through a megaphone. " _You probably don't recognize me, but I'm Squad 12's Lieutenant Rin Tsuburoka. And you are unfortunate enough to be standing in the middle of a Squad 12 experiment._ " The pansy-looking young man-or-woman broke out a slasher smile and said, " _Please vacate the area, or you will have no choice but to…participate._ "

Makizo Aramaki, who was now instantly scared sober, had never had any talent for Shunpo, but somehow he found he had gotten himself on a nearby roof and proceeded to put as much distance as possible between himself and those Squad 12 psychos.

" _Diligent little worker bees of Squad 12,_ " said Rin with a more-than-slightly manic edge to his voice, " _COMMENCE THE EXPERIMENT!_ "

The Shinigami yelled battle-cries and charged as one from both directions. Uryuu exploded into movement, conjuring his bow as he leaped into the air above them and aimed downwards. Drawing and releasing in rapid succession, he unleashed a volley of missiles in a circle around Orihime. The ground around her exploded, raising a cloud of dust and sending the nearest assailants flying back. Uryuu landed and shouted, "Orihime, cover my back!"

"Right!" said Orihime, putting her back against Uryuu's and placing fingers on her hairpins.

"Watch out for my elbow," he cautioned as he drew again, aiming at the Shinigami who were already running through the dust cloud at them. He fired, again and again and again, always aiming for non-vital but debilitating marks: the shoulders, the knees, the hands, and so on. He was vaguely aware of Orihime chanting behind him, and saw the orange glow as her three-pointed shield appeared to cover their other side. Having not trained alongside her and Chad, he didn't know the limits of her techniques or the extent of her stamina. What he knew for sure was that these Shinigami were attacking too quickly and aggressively for him to cover both approaches at the same time, so he had to trust his companion and believe that she'd be able to protect them long enough for him to clear his side. He couldn't afford to be distracted by doubt or worry.

As his missiles met their targets, he noticed something very strange was going on. Each time a Shinigami was struck, the air around them shimmered and with a loud 'pop' they simply blinked out of sight. At first he feared they were using Shunpo, but he could no longer feel their reiatsu, so wherever they were going they weren't coming back. He knew it must have been part of the enemy's strategy, but he simply couldn't afford to distract himself worrying about non-targets at the moment. He had to finish clearing this side as soon as possible, before the others overwhelmed Orihime's shield–

" _Squadmates! Cease the experiment!_ " shouted Rin, " _Our captain is about to take the field! For your own safety, and to ensure the capture of the Ryoka in the unlikely event of their escape, fall back and form a perimeter seventeen-hundred meters around this spot! The captain thanks you for your invaluable assistance._ "

Uryuu found himself confused once more. _'What point is there to send your men in to wear down the enemy, only to withdrew them early? Unless…of course, the lieutenant called it an experiment! The captain just wanted to gauge our abilities,'_ Uryuu determined. "Orihime, we need to get–"

The words died in his throat when he was struck by an intense spike of reiatsu. It was so sudden and overwhelming he doubled-over as if someone had sucker-punched him in the gut. Judging by Orihime's sudden gasp, she felt it too. _'This…must be the Captain…they're at least a hundred times stronger than that 'Wind Scythe' buffoon.'_

" _Is it too much, Ryoka? Too much for you to handle?_ " asked Rin, giggling, " _Can you feel the implications of your situation sinking in? Can you feel the despair rising like bile in your throat? Can you feel the terror clawing at your insides like a starving animal?!_ "

Uryuu hadn't been feeling any of that, but he could feel the beginnings of hysteria stirring in his hindbrain. _'Stop it, Ishida,'_ he chided himself, _'The little creep is just psyching you out. It's a psychological tactic, nothing more. Even Captain-level Shinigami are merely mortal. No matter how overwhelmingly powerful someone is, they can be out-strategized if we keep our cool.'_

Rin, in the meantime, was on a roll. " _I almost pity you, Ryoka! You're about to face one of the most terrifying Captains of them all! Beloved by our squad but feared throughout the rest of Soul Society! My dear mentor, my wonderful captain, oh glorious wonderful captain…Squad 12's one and only Captain–_ "

"That will be enough, Lieutenant," interjected a woman's voice, soft and cool but heavy-laden with authority. In contrast to Rin's raving, this new voice sent an entirely different kind of chill up Uryuu's spine. She stepped into view just ahead of them, slowly strolling down the street towards them. She wore her uniform with a miniskirt-length hemline and a wide white sash tied around the waist. Her hair looked like a bowl cut in the front, but with two long, thin strands hanging down on either side of her face and it looked like it was longer in the back, possibly in a braid. She wore a red choker around her neck and the traditional sleeveless jacket of a Captain. She stopped walking twelve meters away from them, and politely inclined her head. "Good evening, Ryoka. I am Squad 12's Captain Nemuri Nanagou. I am presently standing at the optimal distance that will allow me to evade your arrows while keeping you within my attacking range. If you fire, it is I who will land the first strike…but I will be aiming for your companion instead of you. As she appears to be a barrier specialist, I hypothesize that she is much less likely to dodge my attack than you, and I will not allow her time to recite that incantation of hers. Now that I've defined the situation to you, I do hope you will refrain from firing, at least long enough for me to ask you some questions."

' _So she matched my firing speed against her speed and reflexes? That explains why they were all just running headlong at me; their goal was to make me fire as rapidly as I could,'_ Uryuu thought. He suppressed the urge to smile, _'But what she doesn't realize is that that was only how fast I could fire_ accurately _. If she makes a move, she'll be in for a nasty surprise.'_

"What kind of questions?" asked Uryuu, "You should know that I have no intention of betraying my companions. If you want intelligence, you'll have to take me captive and torture it out of me."

Nemuri shook her head, "Torturing people isn't really my style. That was my predecessor's methodology. I like to think myself more…evolved, than that."

"But not too evolved to target the weaker of two opponents to coerce the other into compliance? Do such cowardly tactics become a Shinigami Captain?" asked Uryuu.

"You mistake pragmatism for cowardice," stated Nemuri, "But of course I wouldn't try to extract information about the other Ryoka from you. Your Quincy pride would never permit it."

Uryuu smirked, "So, you know what I am. Have you fought Quincy before, Shinigami?"

"My name is Nemuri, if you don't mind. And no, the Quincy were already driven to near-extinction by the time I was…'born'. Now if you're quite done stalling for time, I have questions to ask you. Firstly, are you Uryuu Ishida?"

Uryuu failed to contain his shock. His eyes widened and he gasped ever so slightly. _'How…did they capture someone already? No, I doubt they've captured Yoruichi, he seems much too clever, and even if they had captured Kurosaki or Chad immediately I doubt either one would break after just one day…but then again there's Ganju…'_

"I'll take that look of shock on your face as a 'yes'," Nemuri said. "No doubt you're wondering how I knew your name? It's because several years ago, on a date that I'm sure you have burned into your memory, my predecessor brought in an elderly Quincy to…" here, Nemuri averted her gaze, almost as if she were ashamed of what she was about to say. Part of Uryuu recognized this as an ideal time to strike, but overall he was stunned by a sudden cold weight in his stomach. Nemuri continued, "To work on. I will spare you the gruesome details. My point is that I heard your name from him. Near the end, he repeated it quite often, as if it were a mantra to protect him from the pain." Nemuri locked eyes with him again, and he wasn't sure how to describe the emotion he saw in them. Somewhere between guilt and fury. "I know it isn't any consolation, but I personally made sure his death, at least, was painless. I poisoned him, and spared him what I'm sure would have been another week of…work. My predecessor was quite furious; I don't know how recently you ate, so I shan't describe to you how he punished me, but I don't regret it. And…and I am very sorry for what we took from you, Ishida-san. Truly, I am."

Uryuu wasn't sure how to process this revelation, or how to feel about Nemuri's apology. _'They took my grandfather…my Sensei…they didn't just let him die, they took him away and tortured him…and this girl mercy-killed him and suffered some kind of punishment for it, and…what the hell?!'_ "I don't give a _damn_ about your apologies, Shinigami," Uryuu said angrily, "I don't care about any last minute half-assed moments of conscience you've had. You're still a Shinigami, and you're still my enemy!"

"Naturally," said Nemuri, unperturbed. "You've suffered greatly because of us, and I wouldn't dream of asking your forgiveness. I just want you to know that if you're here to carry out some kind of plot against the Soul Society, your anger is misguided. The Soul Society was not responsible for your grandfather's death. My predecessor was; he bribed the Shinigami stationed in your area to let the Hollows overwhelm him. I don't expect that to change how you feel; as one of the last of the Quincy, you have many understandable grievances against us. But if you came here to avenge your grandfather, I just want you to know that I've already done that for you."

That gave Uryuu pause. "I…you did what?"

"I avenged your grandfather," Nemuri repeated, "and all the other Quincies my predecessor used for his 'research'. I killed my predecessor and took his place as Captain, and then used my influence to arrange the deaths or imprisonments of all the greedy, negligent Shinigami culpable in his crimes."

"Why would you do that?" asked Uryuu, trying not to give away how flabbergasted he was.

"Because it was unjust," Nemuri said simply, "Just because I am a Shinigami does not mean I believe that what the Shinigami did to the Quincy was right. True, history tells us that the Soul Society had no other recourse but to go to war with the Quincy because they were disrupting the balance between our worlds, but history is written by the victors. As I said, the war against the Quincy was long before my time, so I don't know for a fact that we were in the right, and even if we were that still wouldn't justify my predecessor's barbaric research."

Uryuu's eyes narrowed. "You expect me to believe that you murdered your own Captain and betrayed your fellow Shinigami just because you didn't think they were right for torturing Quincies?"

"I don't expect you to believe anything. And I didn't 'murder' my predecessor, nor did I do so to avenge his unfortunate 'test subjects'. I fought him to the death in a formally recognized duel for the captaincy of Squad 12, which is an entirely different and completely legitimate matter. And that, I did for myself…but enough about me. It is you that I am curious about. I still have questions."

Uryuu wasn't going to drop his guard around this woman; she struck him as much too clever. He kept his bow trained on her, but he asked, "And what questions would those be?"

"If you still profess to hate Shinigami, why are you aiding the false Shinigami Ichigo Kurosaki in his attempt to rescue the convicted Shinigami Rukia Kuchiki?" asked Nemuri.

"Why do you care what my motivations are? It doesn't change the fact that we're on opposing sides," replied Uryuu.

"Hmph. How ignorant of you. And here I had you pegged as an intellectual; you shouldn't wear glasses like that if you don't have the smarts to go with them. It's almost deceitful," said Nemuri. Uryuu felt his eye twitching. "There is nothing more important to know about your enemy than their motivation. Strengths, weaknesses, logistics; all pale in comparison to understanding _why_. Do you know what objectivity means, Ishida-san?"

The out-of-left-field question shook Uryuu's concentration for a moment, but he was quick to rally. "It means having a neutral outlook, unattached to any side of an argument."

"Precisely. I believe in objective justice. _That_ is why I used my power as a Captain to punish those who had helped my predecessor acquire his test subjects; not out of guilt or pity towards the Quincy, but simply for the sake of justice. After all, it would not be just for me to have others put to death based on how _I_ felt about their crimes. So I'll ask you once more; what is important enough to compel a Quincy to fight alongside a mortal enemy to save another mortal enemy?"

' _Wait, is she actually suggesting…that I might be able to sway her to our side?'_ Uryuu wondered. _'We would only be able to trust her so far, but still…a Captain would be an invaluable asset. She could even give us asylum in her district! What can I say to convince her? Will the truth be enough? Perhaps not, but I don't know enough about her to make up something more persuasive. But she said she favored objective justice…the truth it is, then.'_ Uryuu tentatively lowered his bow, just a little, and said, "Well, I suppose you could call it objective justice. The reason Rukia is in trouble is because she shared her Shinigami powers with Ichigo, which she did so he could protect his family from a Hollow. Apparently he tried to take it on himself and Rukia sustained a serious injury saving the moron. The only way to save herself, Ichigo, his father and his sisters from the Hollow was to give Ichigo her power. In short, Rukia is imprisoned for breaking the rules to save four innocent human lives. As a proud and honorable Quincy, I can't let that slide." Here Uryuu smirked and added, "And to be quite honest, a small selfish part of me is doing this to spite the Soul Society and show up Kurosaki." Ichigo hadn't told him the story, but apparently Rukia had told that hat-and-clogs guy, Urahara, and he had shared it with Orihime, who had passed it on to him.

Nemuri smiled. "I see. Thank you for your honesty, Ishida-san. One more question. Do you know a man…named Kisuke Urahara?"

Once again, Uryuu was only just surprised enough by the unexpectedly insightful question to let that surprise show, but it was all the opening Nemuri needed. Using Shunpo she closed the gap between them in a heartbeat. Uryuu leveled his weapon and managed to fill the air in front of him with a wild barrage of blindly fired missiles, but it was too late. Nemuri had already reached his side and put her blade to his throat. "Good work, Lieutenant," she said. Uryuu risked glancing over his shoulder and almost wished he hadn't. Rin was standing there grinning a maniacal grin, a rag held in one hand and an unconscious Orihime tucked under his arm. "I do apologize, Ishida-san, but personal feelings of justice aside my first duty is the defense of Soul Society, and no matter how noble their intentions the presence of you Ryoka seriously compromises our security. Just the other day someone murdered Captain Aizen of Squad 5, and Captains don't just die all the time around here. I don't know who killed him, or how or why, but I'd be a fool to think it coincidental that his murder occurred during a Ryoka invasion. Now come along peacefully, Ishida-san; perhaps you can help me get to the bottom of this."

Seeing no way to fight back without endangering Orihime's life, especially since he couldn't confidently call whether or not his speed could trump Nemuri's at this intimate distance, Uryuu heaved an agitated sigh and dismissed his bow. "Damn you, Shinigami. You deceived me," he sneered.

Nemuri smiled _warmly_ at him, which surprised him greatly. For a split second he noticed how utterly adorable she was, before remembering what she'd just done and regaining his composure. "Don't be so naïve, Ishida-san," she said, "I believe it was your Sun Tzu who said that 'the victorious warrior secures victory _before_ engaging in battle, where the defeated warrior enters battle _seeking_ victory'. Or, something in that spirit, anyways."

Uryuu, for all his wit, couldn't come up with a snappy reply to that, so he fell silent and bowed his head as Nemuri bound his hands behind his back with a whispered Kido incantation. As she and her lieutenant led him and carried Orihime, respectively, to the Twelfth Squad's district's stockade, he meticulously catalogued every bit of information he had about this odd Captain. _'Someday, Captain Nemuri Nanagou of Squad 12, I swear on my pride as a Quincy that I will get even with you.'_

A/N: I've yet to find a fic about it online–so it'd be cool if someone could point me to one, hint, hint–but I've long wondered what Nemu would be like if she one day became truly and utterly sick of Mayuri's shit and decided to take over Squad 12, Kenpachi-style. Also, I've always found the whole relationship between Mayuri and Nemu to be _deeply_ disturbing. All in all, I think Bleach is a totally badass-as-f*** anime/manga, but it really bothers me that Nemu never gave that psychotic bastard what was coming to him. I just…the whole damn _thing_ with those two hits a lot of triggers with me. I'd really like to write some more fics set in this AU, so let me know if y'all would be interested in reading them! Heads up warning, though; I'll _probably_ never write about Nemu's duel with Mayuri, because my 'sense of justice' will run away with me and I'll wind up making Mayuri's death something _WAY_ too graphic to ever post online. But, maybe someday I'll find a way to write it that satisfies my need to avenge Nemu's mistreatment at Mayuri's hands without being way edgier than I'm comfortable with.

Author Out.


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